The CFY,K Travelogue Phase One: Orlando

• The whole time I was on this trip I was thinking that if I had a laptop, I could update CFY,K from the road. But then I thought that that would result, eventually, in me spending the whole trip "blogging," which would have blown.

• The day I turned into an old man, I drove to Orlando, Florida, to visit one S. Higginbotham. It was 110 degrees outside the whole way, in the Volvo without air conditioning. I drank a gallon of water and never had to pee, you know what I'm saying? Making that drive was like playing soccer. By the time I stopped, I was wearing Okefenokee Pants.

• There, strangely, doesn't seem to be a whole lot going on in Orlando. We spent all day looking for where the cool kids were hanging out. What we came across, though, was people dressing up, like in suits and prom dresses and shit, to go to the mall. (We did go to a mall. This much is true. But, to be fair, old Higginblatt had like this gift certificate or something. So it was justified.)

• The campus of the University of Central Florida is like this gigantic sprawling utopia. Sort of. It's like if they shot The Prisoner in Orlando instead of Portmeirion.

• I don't, however, mean to suggest that everything in Orlando is bad. Because, first, that would be untrue. (Add to that the fact that S Dot had like just moved there when I visited, so it's not like she had shit like all mapped out.) The Higginhours have set up housekeeping in the nicest little house that any of my friends live in. They use a fun-house mirror instead of like a regular mirror. How do you not love that? And every building in Orlando is shaped like a food product! We saw a house that Kerouac lived in! I saw President Isenhour straight snipe a wasps' nest from a hundred yards! It was epic!

• The other thing was that me and Higginbotham were afforded ample time for some regular old shooting of the shit, which is what I came down there for in the first place. We are awesome talkers. In addition, our hanging out resulted in the creation of a new comic strip we made called "Split 7 Inch." I want to do more of these things, so we get really good at it. And then, like, set up Split 7 Inch's own little web presence, and then take over the whole nerdy world, like those other dudes who make that webcomic that you don't read but like a billion other people do. Split 7 Inch is awesome and can be found here and here.

• I had a lovely time in Orlando, but, too soon, I was waking up S. at like 3:30 in the morning or some shit to drive me to the airport. We drank Doubleshots on the way, and I had to take a Doubleshit on the plane the whole time, but refused to.

• Next time: Venice Beach is just as weird even when you know your way around.