You Can Learn a Lot From a Bot

• I am a fan of Garfield. Sort of. I mean. He certainly doesn't always knock it out the park, but he's usually good for one of those little, like, snuffling nose laughs if not a full-on lol. Sometimes he's capable of a brand of irreverence that's tough to find anywhere in the (un)funny papers anymore. But this has to be the laziest damn comic strip I have ever seen. Doesn't Jim Davis have a whole staff of dudes working around the clock on this shit? And the best they can do is that one picture twice, broken up by, like, a sound effect that doesn't look drawn by anybody's hand?

• I have decided that if / when I ever finish a novel, I want it to be published by Tank Books. 'Cause look.

• For the past couple of days, me and Happy - who is already hard at work on the next installment of "The Border Disaster," which I know you can't wait for - and Thee Famous Person - who also wrote about this on her emo-ass blog - and Skritch - who doesn't have a convenient link but who used to have a blog of his own - have been playing The Greatest Board Game of All Time in weird 1997-style java applet format while Skypin'. It has come to this. Just playing the game itself wasn't quite nerdy enough. I'm five and one.

• Crailtap did a Top 5's with Evan Hecox. It's always nice to see the art director get some love. Especially since Evan Hecox is probably the best thing about Chocolate since Mike York left.

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The Border Disaster (Episode One)

• So, um. It's next to impossible to get Jush to come up here to record another Rattlesnake Roundup / Friday Night Ride Out. He's much too busy going on vacation every weekend to solo-circle-dance in the company of hippies - they never look like this, always like this - to be bothered with it. But I felt the urge to make another, like, radio show style "podcast" type thing for you guys anyway (even though I'm pretty sure that it's not technically a podcast), so I got Grupthink Queen and SexCaster HappyThawts on the case and we made this thing called "The Border Disaster." There's way more talking on this one.

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Tell Me Something

• A whole gang of cats have been sending me links to the new Kanye video for the past couple of days. What no one that I've seen on the internet is talking about - which is weird, because it seems like this video is everywhere right now - is the Jon Brion/Zach Galifianakis connection. Remember how Jon Brion did a bunch of production work on the -arguably superior - version of Extraordinary Machine that was leaked to the internets? Soon after the official release of that record, the "Not About Love" video came out, which, at the time, was hilarious and original, and had the added bonus of being filmed in 641 territory. Later, Jon Brion did production work on Kanye's last album, as well as his new one, and now there is this "alternate take" of the "Can't Tell Me Nothin'" Video, which is, if nothing else, way better than the original snooze-fest that was the first one. I only ever root for Jon Brion. He puts on the best show ever. And while it seems strange that this group of creative people he's involved with would just straight recycle an idea (are they banking on the idea that no one saw the Fiona video?), what's even weirder to me is that I seem to be the only one talking about it. Is Jon Brion's influence just not interesting to anyone else? Or, like, am I just that astute an observer of contemporary popular culture? I doubt it. Maybe it's boring.

• Can't read Bigger Bonus Bananas 'cause Raichile's too busy playing Keno in some bar in a saltwater shithole somewhere? Well, if it makes you feel better, you can wear these shoes. That way you can blame Rainuts for your bad taste in shoes.

• The trailer for Darjeeling Limited is out. I'm all embonered about it.

• What Is Interesting to Me Is Not Necessarily Interesting to the Public at Large, Exhibit A: I actually read most of this.

• In other news, Lil Wayne got arrested. Great.

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Eee eee eee ahh ahh (I am a drumset)

• "Rorschach Eleven" digital illustration by E. Lamar. (The "E" stands for "Eep.")

• This weekend was crazy. On Friday, I went and saw the much-anticipated Golden Blade III, which ruled and was hilarious and kick ass and awesome. (I think I first heard about GB3 on the same day I met E. Lamar, in like 1911.) Then I woke up ninety minutes later and drove to check out Sorry Sorrow Studios. Super-fun. Sample conversations:

1. "Did you tell that guy that you liked that shoe 'cause the perspective's all fucked up?"
"Yes."

2. "Do you think I should either make tons of money in an impossibly short amount of time, or work in food-and-beverage?"
"Are you serious?"

• Tom Breihan, lately, has been talking about Summer Jams, and how there aren't many of them anymore. I've been trying to make a mix of Summer Jams since fucking like May, and haven't been able to find enough of them to be worthwhile. It sucks. I have artwork ready and everything. You guys heard any summer jams lately? Please direct my attention to some damn shit.

• When did that BLACKstreet song "Fix" come out? '96-'97 range? I mean the remix. Do you think that Teddy Riley, Dirty Version-era ODB, that amazing nutjob from Fishbone, and Slash were all in the studio together at one time? Do you have any idea what I would have done to be in that room? Jesus.



(Also you can right click and save ass. Or something. Maybe. Not sure how DivShare works in this regard.)

• Jush, you know how you're going to buy every guitar under the sun from here on out? Buy this one next. (Did you go to work today? You are out of your mind.)

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Lost Ploss in the Ross

• Look at that picture up there. I'm super proud of it.

• With old Higginbotham looking for a new apartment and job in a new place, and with Jush and them all trying to catch the record-breaking ball in Milwaukee, I'd say that the regular readership of CFY,K has, at the moment, dwindled considerably. Far be it from me, though, to desert my stupid blog altogether. Maybe they'll be all embonered when they get back and there's new crap on here.

• Word from the West Coast suggests that Our Friend Anvil Rabbitt would not persuaded to enter into even one Man Cup, holding tightly to his ill-gotten and self-proclaimed Bobby Fischer status. (He has never faced me, and I would wreck his whole spot.)

• In related news, if you were to buy this, you'd both rule and suck in a Ruling-Sucking simulcast. (Same thing for this thing. But, somehow, Raichile's MarioKart phone is pure kickass.)

• I know I've mentioned it before, but if those cats over at FluoKids don't start inviting me to wherever they find all these women hanging out, then they'll be jerks forever. Reading this blog makes me wonder if "Expatriate House DJ Who Lives in Paris or Something" isn't my one true career calling.

• Golden Blade III is already getting great reviews. I'm trying to make it up there for the premier, but am making, at press time, no promises.

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88 Ones

• Man. It's been a long week already and it's only Tuesday. The weekend was awesome, though. Ate a Monte Cristo with the folks. Hung out with the Raichile in the Boringest Town on Earth, before riding out to Jacksonville to kill zombies and trivia and chicken parms before Jush straight up actually made it rain to the tune of much more than thirty-one dollars at the stripclub (probably NSFW). All of these things were rad, but they also all screwed up my whole getting used to waking up early thing. (Does it get easier? Ever? Because it's always easy to sleep till noon.)

• I don't know what's going on with the Fader these days. I really don't. First, they take seriously two extra weeks to send me the new issue - which is torturous when you're have to see it in like a bookstore and know that it's available for a free PDF download and that it has a Lil Wayne cover story but you're thinking like, "Well I should wait because I subscribe to this shit and it's going to come sooner or later" - and then they let Nick Catchdubs, a DJ and blogstar who somehow managed to turn capslock and onomatopoeia into a viable journalistic style, slip away from them to go run a record label with A-Trak - the link to which I would include here except that it's a social network link, and I refuse, as you all well know (it's called Fools Gold records, for your searching). Are they trying to make me stop reading their magazine?

• Is anybody going to West Jefferson, North Carolina any time soon? 'Cause even though I'm trying to not drink soda, really, I need to know what non-HFCS cane-sugar style Regular Rocks and Doctor Rocks taste like.

• Thee Famousperson has a blog now. Maybe. It's too early to tell if she's going to keep up with it. So far all that's on there is a picture-less Russian novel of a post that falls well within tl;dr range. (This post, actually, is running the same risk right now. Before you leave, though, check out these Kwik-E Marts!)

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When I Started Smokin'

• Dear Hollywood,
Please bring back Mädchen Amick.
Thank you,
The Devil Himself.

• This is going to be one famousperson-centric fancy-nerdy post. So. To get things started, a FancyNerd YouTube ShowDown!

Is the theme song to Zelda more appropriately played on the accordion (that old Fancy Nerd favorite)? Or on the theremin? It's too close to call! (For maximum freak-out, see also: "Theremin Killed the Radio Star.")

• Gogol Bordello is the - kind of - new Dexy's Midnight Runners. But without the hit.

• I just found Twin Peaks Season Two on DVD for something like twenty-three dollars used. Which is, I think, pretty reasonable (read: what it should have cost to begin with). So, in honor of the reigniting - is that a word? - of my whole Twin Peaks thing, I figured I would answer the call of, probably, dozens of nerds scattered across the globe. Presenting "Just You (And I)" by James, featuring Donna and Maddy. (If you need an explanation for this, I don't know what to tell you.)

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The Other Side of the A.M.

• Our Man Lamar was in town this weekend, sleeping days away on the air mattress in the center of my apartment and being rad and farting. It ruled. I just stayed up all night completing a Contemporary American Poetry paper. These things may well be connected.

• Lately Holotone hits me with random links on the IM connect. This one came through with zero explanation, but I think it's safe to say that this Michael K. Brandlow character is easily the most intense lawyer of all timez. He reminds me, somehow, of character actor Marshall Bell. Or maybe I just wanted to include a link to Marshall Bell because I spent so long figuring out what his name was. (Something about the only payoff of my, seriously, hours-long search being that you might click the Marshall Bell link and go "Oh yeah, that guy," is sort of pathetically hilarious to me.)

• So for some reason - well. Not for some reason. For reasons owing to my theory that the hottest women on Earth come from there, I think I need to take a trip to the Ukraine, which I'm calling the Ukraine and not just Ukraine, because it's way more James Bond to put the the in there. Anyway. I was looking around at, like, Ukrainian tourist destinations, and came across this place called Club Yo, which, sadly, has nothing at all to do with Ed Lover and Dr. Dre. On the website I was on - which somehow I can't find, even though I did manage to copy the following text - described this Club Yo as such:

" Musical club yo and bowling of 7 stars, is the uniform entertaining complex, located in the center Odessa and borrows one of in the lead places in entertaining industry in Ukraine club yo includes the dance floor, the stage, the sound . 10 Plasma panels and the light equipment of the european standard. the convenient furniture on two circles of the disco and the capacious bar rack, allows to lead comfortably evening up to 1500 visitors of club. Separately from the basic disco is available " disco bar " with the dancing on 150 person. Bowling of 7 stars has contained in itself two bar racks with greater assortment of drinks, 8 paths of firm " braunswick ", two billiard tables for the pool and one table for russian billiards. The convenient upholstered furniture promotes pleasant pastime. Kitchen also european."

Club Yo. I've never wanted to go anywhere as badly as I want to go to Club Yo.

• According to the Raichile, armed with this recipe, you could stay home and eat your own turds and be totally happy.

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• How weird is it that both Fosto (premier soon!) and the Rai Chile (bring it back!) have the same birthday? It's today. I'm putting up the King of Eweep for his birthday, as he is turning at least 100 years old. I think Rainuts is just going to sit at his house and eat healthy foodstuffs.

• The above picture comes from a Hedi Slimane picture gallery that I found through this blog called Dirty Down. If you click the picture I put up here, good shit happens, I think, but before you back back through every other picture I've ever uploaded, this is the first one that does anything. So far.

• Steampunks are a weird-ass group of people. This much we know to be true. But it never let it be said that they're not industrious as all hell. (How long, do you think, before this guy inadvertently turns himself into C3PO?)

• I would like to call attention to the fact that I have invented a new word: "Embonered." (Embonered, adj. 1. To be stoked on, or to have a hard-on about someone or some thing. "The new Lil Wayne mixtape has me fully embonered, nullus." 2. Actually being in the state of having a boner. "You ready? I'm embonered.")

• Miraculously, The White Stripes have emerged victorious in the time-honored game of "Endure the Obnoxious Shithead Canadian."

• From the Finally File (Cross-referenced with the Nobody Cares Anymore But Me File): Jim Greco gets Epicly Later'd.

• Just Blaze has one long track with like four songs from Jay Electronica, who, despite having a wackass rap name, is actually dope as fuck.

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Show Full Size & Shrink To Fit

• Q: How many times do you have to take a bath wearing your jeans?
A: As many as it takes, man.

• Is Format Magazine awesome? Or is it just like another one of those Hypebeast + Mass Appeal X The Fader = Random Colorful Hipster Nonsense deals? (Aren't we done with all that shit by now? The Devil Himself wears jeans and white tee shirts as a personal form of fashion protest.) I don't know. You tell me. (And while I'm at it, my new issue of The Fader needs to go 'head and get here.)

• The other day the kid Holotone - locally famous for the early epic Raichile battles - sent me a link to the kickass part of a terrible film. I'm into it.

• Rilo Kiley, as a band, has finally found its true purpose: letting the world know that pornstars are just as boring as indie rockers. (NSFW, kind of. I don't know. Maybe it's SFW, but probably not. It depends on where you work, really. Where I work, which is nowhere, it's perfectly safe.)

• This one I saved till the end. Because it's worth it. I usually hate childhood-nostalgia stuff, because what the hell, you know? If I'm already going to do something as weirdly childish as having a blog, then I at least shouldn't blog about childhood crap, right? This one, though. It's too good. Remember when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were the king shit lookout and it was nuts and they had that promotional deal with Pizza Hut but there was no Pizza Hut nearby so you had to beg your mom to drive you ass out to Pizza Hut when they released that tape by that "band" that was supposed to be, on some level, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles themselves? Remember that?

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Utah, Get Me Two

• I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. First, I'm almost positive that I have used the "Utah, Get Me Two" title line before, but I am too lazy to confirm or deny that suspicion. Second, I'm about to embed a YouTube link that I, again, may have included before, either as a link or as an embed, in some incarnation of this blog. So, either way: Gary Busey talking about Hunter S. Thompson (kind of) rules. (I mean, it totally rules. But he's only kind of talking about Hunter S. Thompson.)



• The Style Guy, whom I linked to last time, has a blog. People should pay more attention to this dude. Basquiat liked him. How bad can he be? (Also: when is that DVD coming out? Has it already? Somebody buy it for me.)

• Nahright has the new 50 Cent single all ZShare'd up. Predictably, it sucks. But if you're a hip-hop blogger, it is your sworn duty to track the every move of Curtis Jackson. So whatever. But maybe I'm crazy, because it seems like there was a time when you could have been pretty legitimately stoked on 50. Like, Power of the Dollar? "How to Rob?" Come on! I guess I just hate it when anybody exhibits shit-hot levels of potential and then doesn't ever do anything with it worth a fuck because it reminds me of myself.

• I have more work to do than I can stand. It's going to be a couple days.

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