Happy Birthday, Jush

• I'm sure all of you read Higginbotham's comment on my last post, because I am confident in the idea that all of you are slavishly devoted to every minute detail of Curtains For You, Kid. I'll include here again, though, in the interest of being thorough:

" I thought your spirit animal was a Lisa Frank style dolphin." (She may be right.)

Not content with the artistically-limiting commentary form, S. Higginslax sent me a series of e-mails backing up her suspicion with photographic evidence. I thank her for this, because I think that old Higginbliggin senses that I'm running out of ideas. First, she provided a picture of the kind of dolphins she's talking about. (Weirdly, there are two of them. Perhaps one could be "The Devil" and the other could be "Himself.") Included also was a surveillance photo of my bedroom that she had somehow gained access to. As valuable as all of this is, I'm not sure that Higginblatt has seriously considered the logistics of a water tank in Enormasaurus's proposed animatronic stage show. I mean, willing suspension of disbelief only goes so far. Everybody would be like, "playing the bass guitar underwater would totally electrocute those dolphins."

• If I was a drug dealer, I'd put my product in Nike SB shoelace pouches, as to better appeal to rich hipster shoe dorks.

• I like it when shit that I like hangs out together. Anybody who has ever been to my apartment knows that I like to read magazines. I read tons of them, because they are disposable, and information is presented in the "textbyte" (did I just make up a word?) format that I find to be the most easily digestible. Two of the main ones I read are Wired, which is weird because I rarely know what they're talking about, and GQ, which is ironic because I'm such a poor slob. I'm like a homeless guy reading the duPont Registry. Anyway. A guy I'm a huge fan of, Paul Pope, has a Transformers illustration in the new Wired, and like a travel piece in the new GQ, located right before The Style Guy, my favorite monthly feature, and a scant thirty-nine pages before the article on Lil Wayne.

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• Today I decided that if I ever become a news anchor, I'm going to change my name to Zoom Awesomeson.

• I've been looking around the internets all day, and I can't come up with anything cohesive at the moment. It's late. For the past few weeks I've been grindstoning on this story I'm writing, which, I think, is using all of what little creative juice I've got. I mean, look at this. This makes two bulleted paragraphs with no amusing links. Unheard of!

• I think anybody who knows me know that I have a disdain for social networking sites. In fact, my rule is to exit immediately any conversation as soon as they're brought up. Then the other day I found this one, which I will not join, but may tolerate solely for the occasional "artistic" naked chick.

• While every other blog in the world is embedding the new Kanye West video (which, by the way, is spectacular in its own little surface-only way), I have decided to embed this little YouTube gem in its stead:




• Isn't it weird when Jack White talks? Not that he shouldn't talk or anything. He just always comes across as so normal, when his public persona is otherwise so damn odd.

• The idea is that when Enormasaurus goes on tour, at our live shows will be animatronic representations of our spirit animals playing pre-recorded music, like The Rock-afire Explosion. So mine will look like this.

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I Was Holding Out for Ten Votes

• I don't have a lot for today in the way of links to random bullshit, because every day these days is a grindstone. I'm sure you can relate. I mean. I got some stuff. Like, Apelad and his LOL Cats are cracking me up lately. (Says Skritch: "Old comic is oooooold.")

• A while back, me and Mike the George started making weird little songs together as Enormasaurus - you might remember that "Makin' It Rain" joint featuring Jush from way back. But even before that we had made this sketch of a song that we both got tired of working on before we ever finished it. We did manage to get the Rai Chile - who, by the way, has made a triumphant return to Grupthink in recent hours - to lay down some vocals on the chorus. But then today I had another verse for it written, and it had been long enough since we messed with it, so we put everything together. I have to say, I think that, in terms of scope and musicality, it's the best song we've made so far. Here it is: "Insurance" by Enormasaurus, the world's greatest make-believe band. (What do you think?)

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Push Technology

• Remember "push technology?" Where like they were giving away CueCats at RadioShack and you could scan barcodes in magazines and somehow become a robot? No? Well. It didn't work out.

• To business, then. Really. How awesome would it be if Bigger Bonus Bananas came back? It was the funniest blog that I have ever read in my life, and, like, a great deal of what I do during a given day is the reading of blogs. (So you don't have to.) I want BBB back so badly I can't stand it. I keep telling The Ornery Old Rai Chile this, pleading with him to resurrect it, but nothing ever comes of it.
Says Jush: "That shit where he brought it back for like a week was such a fuckin' blue-ball tease."
I spent today grindstoning on sick-ass new logos for "Bananas." (I made couple so there'd be some options.) You know, to try and be, like, not not helping. And also making the case that The Rai Chile is better at Bigger Bonus Bananas then he is at most other things, and that to waste that talent would be a shame, especially when all you have to do, it seems like, is have a really funny website for a while and then someone gives you money for a TV show. (See: Azizisbored yielding Human Giant, Lonely Island begets Andy Samberg's meteoric rise to stardom.) I'm like "keep at it for like a year and someone from somewhere will make you the Lewis Black for people who get Tekken references."
But here's the thing: I can't tell Rai Chile shit. A mere suggestion of anything from me, about anything, decreases the chances of Rainuts involving himself with that thing by 100%. I could tell him that there was a roomful of cute-bangs that were dying to meet him, and all he has to do is drink a bottle of his favorite beer in order to seal the deal, and that I'd be providing that beer, and he'd have some reason as to why he wouldn't participate. It sucks. I can't get through to him.
So I'm leaving it up to you guys. Introducing CFY,K's first-ever poll:

Should the Rai Chile Bring Back Bigger Bonus Bananas?
	He should've been brought that shit back yesterday.
	Meh.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

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Back Up More Like Throw Up

• If you're me and you spend a ton of time doing stuff in front of your computer, but then part of your "process" involves long stretches of just kind of sitting there and thinking, you end up just kind of naturally coming across entertaining shit on teh intrabutts. (If you're me, you turn that experience into a blog.) And sometimes, if you're lucky, you get to witness \ participate in epic threads. (We tried to call in the Raichile for a one-time airstrike, but no dice.)

• The dudes from Baker make sunglasses now. Isn't it weird how you see Greco play guitar more than skate these days? The guitar is a cruel mistress, man.

• In other skate news, if you read that 16 things about the Gonz thing from last time, you maybe saw a little bit about Steve Rocco. Now there's a movie being made about him, and I, for one, can't wait to not see it in theaters and wait for the DVD to come out.

• Updated message to hard-core fans of the Gorillaz: There still won't be any more records, but you can either pay money for our signature sex toy, or you can pay money to watch us masturbate in a more figurative manner. Thank you, that is all.

• I'm not the biggest fan of the song in the following video. It's a little too "blog-rock" for me. But just on a basic level, you've gotta respect the level of nerd-work that went into this thing:



• CFY,K endorses: this bicycle.

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Fred Schneider Impressions: The Zaniest

• I've been holding onto this link since forever, and I don't even know why. I guess I couldn't ever get it to fit into any of the more narrative-style posts here on CFY,K. Anyway. Here's an old classic: Sixteen things you didn't know about The Gonz.

• Johnny 5 finds work!

• Another day, another couple of Diplo remixes of current favorites. Discobelle rules for stuff like that.

• One of my other favorite blogs, PalmsOutSounds, now has like an additional splinter blog called Attorney St, which I didn't find out about until I read my other other favorite blog. The "blogosphere," by the way, looks like this.

• Now, I'm not the biggest fan of electronic music in the world, but I'm no hater of the bleep blorp, either. I know what a good pop song sounds like, and the new Justice single is one, and where can I get one of these tee-shirts? Hypercolor, you have been outmoded.




• Everytime I say something's going to be the best shit ever, it turns out sucking. So I will only say that I'm really excited for tomorrow, it being a Tuesday and all.

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Good Sand Here

• So Higginslax says she likes it when I make one of those posts that's like a nonfiction account of my day-to-day with links in the text to, like, humorously illustrate the goings-on. As much as I'd like to cater to my readership (of which Higginbotham constitutes, I think, like a third), such a post would necessitate that I did some shit during the course of my day, which, lately, has not been the case. I did take a three hour nap earlier. Does that count? Oh and also I was in class earlier today - because I am the world's second-oldest undergrad - and the dude behind me gave me a copy of his zine which is somehow involved with this website \ concept called "lation."

• CFY,K endorses: this light blue denim shirt, which they're calling "chambray." If you're like me, then most of your clothing comes from the Gap sale rack. Because you're into basic looking stuff but you don't want to drop seventy dollars on undershirts. And then sometimes you buy a light blue denim shirt so you can stunt around town like you're Ralph Lauren or some shit. That's what I've been doing.

• CFY,K denounces: the ugliest shoes ever.

• New friend, new look.

• I was thinking today about how weird it is to have a blog, and you get self-conscious about stuff like noticing that like every damn hip-hop blog in the past few days has been posting that UGK & Outkast video and, more recently, the new T.I. featuring Wyclef video, and you think that if you post them then you're being unoriginal. But then, like, you have to assume, on some level, that it's not just bloggers that read blogs, and perhaps the people who read your blog don't read everyone else's because they're counting on you to do it for them, so you feel sort of bad if you don't direct your own readers' attention to those things. (So then, if you're me, you decide to have links to 'em, but to not embed 'em and to let them find about the weird Saigon \ Just Blaze album delay beef on their own.)

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Two-Post Tuesday Even Though It's Wednesday

• I'm just going to make this one post look like two posts 'cause I can't decide how else to do it. (Expandable posts know-how: I needs it.)

• You know, I spend a lot of time listening to Howard Stern on Sirius every day, mainly because it creates the illusion that I have friends. And because damn always listening to lily-livered talk radio all the time. But really, really the best shit ever is Riley Martin's show on Tuesdays at midnight. Have you heard of this guy? Man. What an eloquent kook! Kind of.

• Message to die-hard fans of the Gorillaz: there won't be any more records, and you can fuck yourself.

• If you can find the "XXX" flavor of VitaminWater anywhere, buy all of it. It's the new hotness. And you might never see it again. (Sometimes that works out, sure, but not in this case.)

• Have you heard that Dan Deacon joint? You should, because it's great, and it'll keep your mind off the impending White Stripes release that is driving you insane with anticipation right now.

And Now, Jush Contributes The First Installment of His "Rob & Big Review"















• I am not even one sentence into this, my first review, and I already feel like I have been put on waivers. The MTV reality show Rob & Big provides small insights into everyday life, especially if you are a mega-wealthy skateboarder who can afford to do anything whenever he and his large black bodyguard feel like doing work. For instance, if you ever hire your cousin as an assistant, you must remember that he or she has probably never completed a day of actual work in their lives. Mucking the mini-horse stall in your backyard will probably not be on the list of priorities for that person's day, and neither will cleaning dishes or picking up the occasional "dog log." The main question is how to correct the problem of laziness? The answer is not so simple because there are three different paths you can take. One, leave things the way they have become and expect to find topless maids dusting - not bad, but also not too cost effective. The second option is to fire your cousin and hire David Patrick Sammons. The only problem with him is that he doesn't actually do anything. He has a day planner that makes him look very official, but when it comes time to take that fucking suit off and do work, he would rather hire someone else. Again, not too cost effective. Finally, you decide on the third option, which is to get your cousin a job at the local Burger Central just to let him know what real work is. Then you must test him so here is what you do: go through the drive-thru and order one large chocolate shake, one double burger (no bread no cheese), eight corona fish tacos, and four orders of hot cakes. Drive up to the window, and tell your assistant to climb through that window, and to get into the backseat. Now, I know what you are thinking: how do you handle an overly aggressive mini-horse that you, the owner, are afraid of? Perfect timing! I've got the answer. Find the local mini-horse trainer, who is probably the craziest looking person in your neighborhood, go to her house, walk past her knife collection to the stables in the backyard, damn near lose a limb because of the goat that is just walking around, and then agree to meet at the local horse training facility over the weekend.

Brett sucks,
Jush.

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Soda Free

• The picture is a little busy, I know. But, like the man says, what do you want for nothin', right? Anyway. I've been trying, lately, to get right, because I have to be in shape for when I run the "Camdonian Deth-cathlon." I made a little mix of hard ass rap songs that make me want to fight dudes and lose, so I figured I'd share it with you. (Right click and save as or whatever.)

• If that doesn't do it for you, then maybe you'll be interested in some new Drive-By Truckers jump offs. I don't know.

• Have you guys been watching VBS? Man, as much as I hate to jump on Vice's dick, you should be. The Jason Dill Epicly Later'd thing alone is worth the price of admission (it's free).

• If I could, again, figure out how to do those expandable "click here to read the rest of this post" posts, then that damn Strokes video wouldn't start playing every time you came to CFY,K. I mean, I wouldn't have put it up here if I didn't like it, but come the fuck on. (Update: Never mind, I changed it. But I still want to be able to do expandable posts.)

• I think Higginbotham should challenge this chick to a stitch fight.

• The most epic Grupthink thread ever. I only go there anymore to reread this kind of crap since Raichile resigned to write a book about secret societies and encryption software even though he never finished reading that book Cryptonomicon.

• Hey, how come mimes get such a bad rap in comedy? I might have, in my life, come across, like, three total mimes. What's going on with mimes?

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I Am Bored But It's My Duty to Be Attentive

• I can't sleep, which sucks, because I have to get up early tomorrow because my new Summer semester of school starts in the a.m. And you know the kid does not operate well in the ante meridian. But it's lucky for you, because by the time you wake up this here post'll be waiting for you, and it's the kind you like, with the random links to weird crap.

• The next time Jush comes up here we're going to make a new Rattlesnake Roundup. In between takes I'm going to make him feel at home with this bobo ass Guitar Hero. (You play with the computer keyboard that you hold like a keytar. Can't be all bad.)

• Also: are you guys Rob & Big wackoffs the way me and Jush are Rob & Big wackoffs? If so, you'll be happy to know that I tracked down some information on the Hyper Dimensional Resonator. (Someone order the damn cassette tapes and send them to me.) I also found a video of that Doctor Z character but it was boring and it sucked.

• The (kickass) illustration of R. Kikuo Johnson is like if my favorite cartoonist Paul Pope and Thee Famous Person's favorites Los Bros Hernandez got together and gave birth to something altogether awesome.

• Leak, goddammit! (Update, in response to anon: At this point, I been had that shit.)

• Remember when this blog used to be all about me saying stuff like like: "This is where RaiChile shops?" Remember that? I mean, yeah. It's a little offensive, I guess, and a little out of line. But those were the damn days.

• "Personism: A Manifesto," by Frank O'Hara, may well be the greatest literary manifesto ever written. (The, um. The topic line comes from O'Hara.)

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La La La

• I remember this one time in an interview with Status Ain't Hood that Lil Wayne made it no secret that he was engaged in active pursuit of "that Hard Knock Life song ... that song that got Jay over." Since that time - the interview occurred around the time Tha Carter II came out - Weezy has never quite gotten there, despite being maybe the most prolific and consistent rapper - at least in terms of his mixtape output - in history. He hasn't come out with the one single - Status Ain't Hood thought that it might have been "Shooter" - that would have propelled him towards the worldwide crossover success he has seemed to have been poised for since the first Carter record.

With his new track, "La La La," Lil Wayne seems to have unabashedly taken his own advice and pulled out all the tricks in the "Hard Knock Life" handbook. "La La La" is almost a note-for-note interpretation of the precedent set by Hova. From the outset of the song, "La La La" features the high-pitched, happy-go-lucky, sung-by-children chorus juxtaposed with tales of the drug trade delivered with a light touch and an impeccable flow. He gives respect to fallen hip-hop heroes. He shouts out his hometown of New Orleans. He gives insight to his personal history \ mythology. His punchlines are, for the most part, crisp. Maybe even more telling than anything, Jay-Z already made a song for the Bad Boys II - the best movie ever - soundtrack called "La La La."

Something about Lil Wayne's "La La La" feels somewhat tossed-off, though. It's not that he necessarily lacks the charisma of Vol. 2-era Jay-Z. Maybe "La La La" loses something in the toning down of the weirdness evident in some of Wayne's more-memorable mixtape tracks. (See: "Lay My Organs Down" on Lilweezyana, "Momma Taught Me" on the first Dedication, his verse on the AMG remix of "Cannon" on Dedication 2, damn near the entire Drought 3 tape, et al.) "La La La" certainly lacks the bizarre sense of experimentation and esoteric reference points that fans have come to expect. (See also: "Prostitute Flange.")

I think what "La La La" needs, really, is a video. It wasn't until the "Hard Knock Life" video came out that Jay-Z managed to temper his image and portray a persona that the record-buying public might, you know, feel safe hanging out with, while the lyrical content of that song kept his credibility intact. Unfortunately for Lil Wayne, with their continued focus on low-budget "reality" programming, the video support that MTV gave to "Hard Knock Life" is no longer available for recording artists. As it stands, with "La La La," Weezy has not quite produced a "Hard Knock Life"-caliber crossover single. He's gotten close enough, though, that with the right kind of video and the right kind of support from, say, 106&Park, Fuse - maybe - and, I guess, MTV2, he might get to Jay's rarefied "God MC" status anyway.

If it doesn't work out, though, as I suspect it won't (which sucks, because "La La La" is a really entertaining song), Wayne can rely on his continued decimation of the mixtape industry and his plans of releasing increasingly awesome Carter albums to get to where he wants to be. (Also, if I Can't Feel My Face doesn't leak too early and has even one hit on it, both he and Juelz Santana could both finally realize their commercial potential.)

Anyway. "La La La." I heard it on the radio, and on the internet, I think, once, and I was thinking that Lil Wayne was making another run at "Hard Knock Life," and ispo facto, the throne. But then I couldn't find it to listen to again. So I scoured the internets and finally had to, like, reverse engineer some shit in order for you to hear it. Which, I guess, is the least I could do, having made you sit through all of the above nonsense.

Lil Wayne - "La La La"

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