Breathed On Wrong

• This is the view from outside my work. The cigarette view. I don't know if you can tell from this photo, but I love it because it looks like a real-life version of a streetscape that either Dan Clowes or Chris Ware might have drawn, in that everything is all soothingly geometrical and muted.

• You may have noticed the link down there for the Bird Turds site. It's, um. "In beta." I am now accepting ideas as to what to do with it and how to make it good. Either here or there.

• Speaking of Chris Ware, though, the other day The Mystery Lady bought for me a Quimby the Mouse figure and - and - that book Maps and Legends! She's the best ever.

• So, a while back, in issue #46, The Fader had this great Vinyl Archeology feature called "The End," in which Jimmy Tamborello - of Dntel and Postal Service fame - discussed, like, great songs to die to. (Looking at his website, it seems like he has remained pretty involved with that theme.) It's one of my favorite articles they've ever published, and not only because he's super spot-on with his selections. (Brian Eno's "An Ending (Ascent)?" Jack Nitszche's "Starman Leaves?" Come on. Those are perfect dying songs.) As a concept, it's a great conversation to have.

The other day me and the Rai Chile were talking about it, and he was like:

'Off the top of my head, that song that's playing in the background when Cameron does that 'When Cameron was in Egypt's land, let my Cameron go' thing would be a great song to die to.'

And thus began a search for what the hell that song is called that has lasted, so far, like 48 total hours.

I'm not talking about the lyrics. They come from "Go Down Moses." What I'm looking for is a full-length version of the lovely synth instrumental that plays behind the vocals. At this point I kind of doubt that such a thing exists, a suspicion shared by synth-guru Holotone, who cites the addition of harmonizing vocals as evidence that it's probably an incidental selection made by either Arthur Baker, Ira Newborn, or John Robie, the guys credited with providing original music for the movie.

Two final things about this:

1. You'd think that a guy like myself, who seriously based his whole life on Ferris Bueller's Day Off for many, many years would own a copy of the shit on DVD. Or, failing that, that if that same guy now worked at a video store, you'd think he'd at least have access to it. But I don't own it, and it's always checked out, so I can't do the simple thing and just check the damn credits.

2. The good thing about any worthwhile-yet-unsuccessful internet search is all the shit that you unintentionally find along the way. Like this original script I came across, which has a ton of dialog that didn't make the final cut. My favorite part:

Ferris

My uncle went to Canada to protest the war, right? On the Fourth of July he was down with my aunt and got drunk and told my Dad he felt guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam. So I said, "What's the deal, Uncle Jeff? In wartime you want to be a pacifist and in peacetime you want to be a soldier. It took you twenty years to find out you don't believe in anything?"

(snaps his fingers)

Grounded. Just like that. Two weeks.

(pause)

Be careful when you deal with old hippies. They can be real touchy.

It's like the search for the fuckin' Philosopher's Stone, only on like a way insignificant level.

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Bird Turds #15

• Here is Bird Turds number fifteen, in which the main character bird continues to have kind of a weird relationship with all other birds with whom he or she comes into contact, be they sentient or inanimate within the context of the comic strip itself.

Also, I kind of love the Drinking Bird, in that I bet that that Miles V. Sullivan cat never had to do anything else after he made it. What a badass.

• It turns out there were way more people aware of the CFY,K technical-difficulty downtime than I would have thought. So, um. Again. Sorry about that. But it's good to have you back, dudes.

• I hear tell that Shaved and Shamanzo had a little old NYC Sarchichan mini-summit. Somebody send pictures. And anyway I live at a midpoint music hub these days and I ain't got friends really so come visit. Also: Isn't it Nebraska's birthday today? Happy birthday, Nebraska.


• In making this post, I will have gotten everything done that I wanted to have gotten done on my day off. I did my laundry, and, in so doing, conducted further market research for my dream to one day own and operate a coin laundry. And I put away the laundry, which, as I'm sure you know, is like a whole additional, more-horrible chore in and of itself .

Also I finally got it together and went to see Iron Man, which completely fucking ruled. I will say that I was as disappointed as the next guy that Dennis Coles didn't make the final cut of the movie. I guess it's kind of cool that it looked like a Ghostface video was playing in Tony Stark's private jet towards the beginning. More than anything, though, I'm at a loss as to why the cameo that Ghostface shot for Iron Man hasn't leaked online as near as I can tell. Because, really, what the hell is the internet good for if I can't watch a leaked Ghostface cameo?

• Today I was on the phone with the Rai Chile and he told me that instead of investing his money into a Nintendo Wii, he's going to buy those running jump-stilt joints and then run his ass to work. Now, if you know the Rai Chile, just for a second imagine that you're stopped at a traffic light or something, and then he fucking comes leap running past you all wearing one of those aerodynamic bike helmets and goggles and a full-blown lycra bodysuit. And like a super-determined look on his face like he's doing the damn thing. Or even, better, with all that going on and like a long-stemmed rose clenched in his teeth. Just thinking of these scenarios made me laugh so hard I almost threw up.

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• I gotta tell you. It's hard for me, as the owner of legit pairs of Tiffanys and De La highs from back in the day, to be over it, but I'm over it. It's fucking hard for me to get stoked about athletic footwear at all anymore, but then my dudes over at Jesus Piece - who by the way put up a link to the Run For It! mix which for some reason I never saw till the other day - put me on to the Ferris Bueller SB's. It's awesome that the movie that I have based my whole life on is getting some play, but I think they should just put out white bucks like the kid rocks in the movie, and release an accompanying Ferris-style jacket.

• Man. Yesterday me and the Rai Chile were driving through town. And we stopped at a stoplight, you know, like you do. Looking across the intersection we saw, at a gas station, a pregnant teen smoking a cigarette like a foot away from the gas pump. The way I figure it, the whole scene was fucked up on at least six levels. More if you figure in the way in which the girl in question was intermittently and, say, "gropily" making out with this dude that was standing there.

{UPDATE: One regular reader of Curtains For You, Kid has sent in another, perhaps more sophisticated diagram to illustrate the event I witnessed. To this reader I say, "Thanks, buddy."}

• Which is not to say that I'm against smoking in any way. Quite unlike a vocal portion of GQ's readers. When will the War Against Fun be finally over? Because those dudes needs to know that the Marlboro Man is a perfect image of American Cool, and smoking is awesome because it looks so cool when you do it.

• I wonder how long it's going to take Bobby Knight to say something offensive or strangle someone or some shit in order to be kicked off of ESPN. I'd put the over-under at three weeks.

• Leave it to the circuit benders to make the Easy Button difficult.

• Any time I'm at my sister's house, I, for some reason, always end up drawing little pictures on 3X5 note cards. She has like a billion note cards. Today when I was over there I drew a woman's handbag, and made a list of fantasy jobs.

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Tell Me Something

• A whole gang of cats have been sending me links to the new Kanye video for the past couple of days. What no one that I've seen on the internet is talking about - which is weird, because it seems like this video is everywhere right now - is the Jon Brion/Zach Galifianakis connection. Remember how Jon Brion did a bunch of production work on the -arguably superior - version of Extraordinary Machine that was leaked to the internets? Soon after the official release of that record, the "Not About Love" video came out, which, at the time, was hilarious and original, and had the added bonus of being filmed in 641 territory. Later, Jon Brion did production work on Kanye's last album, as well as his new one, and now there is this "alternate take" of the "Can't Tell Me Nothin'" Video, which is, if nothing else, way better than the original snooze-fest that was the first one. I only ever root for Jon Brion. He puts on the best show ever. And while it seems strange that this group of creative people he's involved with would just straight recycle an idea (are they banking on the idea that no one saw the Fiona video?), what's even weirder to me is that I seem to be the only one talking about it. Is Jon Brion's influence just not interesting to anyone else? Or, like, am I just that astute an observer of contemporary popular culture? I doubt it. Maybe it's boring.

• Can't read Bigger Bonus Bananas 'cause Raichile's too busy playing Keno in some bar in a saltwater shithole somewhere? Well, if it makes you feel better, you can wear these shoes. That way you can blame Rainuts for your bad taste in shoes.

• The trailer for Darjeeling Limited is out. I'm all embonered about it.

• What Is Interesting to Me Is Not Necessarily Interesting to the Public at Large, Exhibit A: I actually read most of this.

• In other news, Lil Wayne got arrested. Great.

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88 Ones

• Man. It's been a long week already and it's only Tuesday. The weekend was awesome, though. Ate a Monte Cristo with the folks. Hung out with the Raichile in the Boringest Town on Earth, before riding out to Jacksonville to kill zombies and trivia and chicken parms before Jush straight up actually made it rain to the tune of much more than thirty-one dollars at the stripclub (probably NSFW). All of these things were rad, but they also all screwed up my whole getting used to waking up early thing. (Does it get easier? Ever? Because it's always easy to sleep till noon.)

• I don't know what's going on with the Fader these days. I really don't. First, they take seriously two extra weeks to send me the new issue - which is torturous when you're have to see it in like a bookstore and know that it's available for a free PDF download and that it has a Lil Wayne cover story but you're thinking like, "Well I should wait because I subscribe to this shit and it's going to come sooner or later" - and then they let Nick Catchdubs, a DJ and blogstar who somehow managed to turn capslock and onomatopoeia into a viable journalistic style, slip away from them to go run a record label with A-Trak - the link to which I would include here except that it's a social network link, and I refuse, as you all well know (it's called Fools Gold records, for your searching). Are they trying to make me stop reading their magazine?

• Is anybody going to West Jefferson, North Carolina any time soon? 'Cause even though I'm trying to not drink soda, really, I need to know what non-HFCS cane-sugar style Regular Rocks and Doctor Rocks taste like.

• Thee Famousperson has a blog now. Maybe. It's too early to tell if she's going to keep up with it. So far all that's on there is a picture-less Russian novel of a post that falls well within tl;dr range. (This post, actually, is running the same risk right now. Before you leave, though, check out these Kwik-E Marts!)

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• How weird is it that both Fosto (premier soon!) and the Rai Chile (bring it back!) have the same birthday? It's today. I'm putting up the King of Eweep for his birthday, as he is turning at least 100 years old. I think Rainuts is just going to sit at his house and eat healthy foodstuffs.

• The above picture comes from a Hedi Slimane picture gallery that I found through this blog called Dirty Down. If you click the picture I put up here, good shit happens, I think, but before you back back through every other picture I've ever uploaded, this is the first one that does anything. So far.

• Steampunks are a weird-ass group of people. This much we know to be true. But it never let it be said that they're not industrious as all hell. (How long, do you think, before this guy inadvertently turns himself into C3PO?)

• I would like to call attention to the fact that I have invented a new word: "Embonered." (Embonered, adj. 1. To be stoked on, or to have a hard-on about someone or some thing. "The new Lil Wayne mixtape has me fully embonered, nullus." 2. Actually being in the state of having a boner. "You ready? I'm embonered.")

• Miraculously, The White Stripes have emerged victorious in the time-honored game of "Endure the Obnoxious Shithead Canadian."

• From the Finally File (Cross-referenced with the Nobody Cares Anymore But Me File): Jim Greco gets Epicly Later'd.

• Just Blaze has one long track with like four songs from Jay Electronica, who, despite having a wackass rap name, is actually dope as fuck.

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Push Technology

• Remember "push technology?" Where like they were giving away CueCats at RadioShack and you could scan barcodes in magazines and somehow become a robot? No? Well. It didn't work out.

• To business, then. Really. How awesome would it be if Bigger Bonus Bananas came back? It was the funniest blog that I have ever read in my life, and, like, a great deal of what I do during a given day is the reading of blogs. (So you don't have to.) I want BBB back so badly I can't stand it. I keep telling The Ornery Old Rai Chile this, pleading with him to resurrect it, but nothing ever comes of it.
Says Jush: "That shit where he brought it back for like a week was such a fuckin' blue-ball tease."
I spent today grindstoning on sick-ass new logos for "Bananas." (I made couple so there'd be some options.) You know, to try and be, like, not not helping. And also making the case that The Rai Chile is better at Bigger Bonus Bananas then he is at most other things, and that to waste that talent would be a shame, especially when all you have to do, it seems like, is have a really funny website for a while and then someone gives you money for a TV show. (See: Azizisbored yielding Human Giant, Lonely Island begets Andy Samberg's meteoric rise to stardom.) I'm like "keep at it for like a year and someone from somewhere will make you the Lewis Black for people who get Tekken references."
But here's the thing: I can't tell Rai Chile shit. A mere suggestion of anything from me, about anything, decreases the chances of Rainuts involving himself with that thing by 100%. I could tell him that there was a roomful of cute-bangs that were dying to meet him, and all he has to do is drink a bottle of his favorite beer in order to seal the deal, and that I'd be providing that beer, and he'd have some reason as to why he wouldn't participate. It sucks. I can't get through to him.
So I'm leaving it up to you guys. Introducing CFY,K's first-ever poll:

Should the Rai Chile Bring Back Bigger Bonus Bananas?
	He should've been brought that shit back yesterday.
	Meh.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

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Back Up More Like Throw Up

• If you're me and you spend a ton of time doing stuff in front of your computer, but then part of your "process" involves long stretches of just kind of sitting there and thinking, you end up just kind of naturally coming across entertaining shit on teh intrabutts. (If you're me, you turn that experience into a blog.) And sometimes, if you're lucky, you get to witness \ participate in epic threads. (We tried to call in the Raichile for a one-time airstrike, but no dice.)

• The dudes from Baker make sunglasses now. Isn't it weird how you see Greco play guitar more than skate these days? The guitar is a cruel mistress, man.

• In other skate news, if you read that 16 things about the Gonz thing from last time, you maybe saw a little bit about Steve Rocco. Now there's a movie being made about him, and I, for one, can't wait to not see it in theaters and wait for the DVD to come out.

• Updated message to hard-core fans of the Gorillaz: There still won't be any more records, but you can either pay money for our signature sex toy, or you can pay money to watch us masturbate in a more figurative manner. Thank you, that is all.

• I'm not the biggest fan of the song in the following video. It's a little too "blog-rock" for me. But just on a basic level, you've gotta respect the level of nerd-work that went into this thing:



• CFY,K endorses: this bicycle.

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Soda Free

• The picture is a little busy, I know. But, like the man says, what do you want for nothin', right? Anyway. I've been trying, lately, to get right, because I have to be in shape for when I run the "Camdonian Deth-cathlon." I made a little mix of hard ass rap songs that make me want to fight dudes and lose, so I figured I'd share it with you. (Right click and save as or whatever.)

• If that doesn't do it for you, then maybe you'll be interested in some new Drive-By Truckers jump offs. I don't know.

• Have you guys been watching VBS? Man, as much as I hate to jump on Vice's dick, you should be. The Jason Dill Epicly Later'd thing alone is worth the price of admission (it's free).

• If I could, again, figure out how to do those expandable "click here to read the rest of this post" posts, then that damn Strokes video wouldn't start playing every time you came to CFY,K. I mean, I wouldn't have put it up here if I didn't like it, but come the fuck on. (Update: Never mind, I changed it. But I still want to be able to do expandable posts.)

• I think Higginbotham should challenge this chick to a stitch fight.

• The most epic Grupthink thread ever. I only go there anymore to reread this kind of crap since Raichile resigned to write a book about secret societies and encryption software even though he never finished reading that book Cryptonomicon.

• Hey, how come mimes get such a bad rap in comedy? I might have, in my life, come across, like, three total mimes. What's going on with mimes?

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I Am Bored But It's My Duty to Be Attentive

• I can't sleep, which sucks, because I have to get up early tomorrow because my new Summer semester of school starts in the a.m. And you know the kid does not operate well in the ante meridian. But it's lucky for you, because by the time you wake up this here post'll be waiting for you, and it's the kind you like, with the random links to weird crap.

• The next time Jush comes up here we're going to make a new Rattlesnake Roundup. In between takes I'm going to make him feel at home with this bobo ass Guitar Hero. (You play with the computer keyboard that you hold like a keytar. Can't be all bad.)

• Also: are you guys Rob & Big wackoffs the way me and Jush are Rob & Big wackoffs? If so, you'll be happy to know that I tracked down some information on the Hyper Dimensional Resonator. (Someone order the damn cassette tapes and send them to me.) I also found a video of that Doctor Z character but it was boring and it sucked.

• The (kickass) illustration of R. Kikuo Johnson is like if my favorite cartoonist Paul Pope and Thee Famous Person's favorites Los Bros Hernandez got together and gave birth to something altogether awesome.

• Leak, goddammit! (Update, in response to anon: At this point, I been had that shit.)

• Remember when this blog used to be all about me saying stuff like like: "This is where RaiChile shops?" Remember that? I mean, yeah. It's a little offensive, I guess, and a little out of line. But those were the damn days.

• "Personism: A Manifesto," by Frank O'Hara, may well be the greatest literary manifesto ever written. (The, um. The topic line comes from O'Hara.)

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Here, in Middle America

• I don't have a lot for today. Because, you know, I'm on my grizzly. I did, though, find out the secret to Rai Chile's success with the ladies: classy and tasteful home decor.

• Remember when I made you sit down and watch that Jay-Z concert movie and there's that part where superproducer Just Blaze gets clowned for his video game addiction? Just Blaze's nerdiness does not end there. He's got his own YouTube channel and his own blog. I nominate him for FancyNerd Hero status.

• Now, I'm not saying they're back, nor am I saying that they ever really left. What I am saying is that The Strokes' new video is completely awesome. Ahem.

• Ok. More soon.

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Ear to the Grindstone

• That's a little picture I drew of the Rai Chile. I've been drawing this kind of crap for the past couple of weeks now. Here's a whole strip from a few days ago. I like drawing li'l guys like this because you can make 'em be anything, from videogame ragers to fancy waiters.

• You know how drugs are illegal? It would be weird if drug dealers were like "I guess we have to give drugs away now, because they're illegal," right? Well, that's kind of what happened with mixtape DJ's recently. Por ejemple, you can download tons of Clinton Sparks mixtapes for free now. If you live in Nebraska, you're stoked, because before now you didn't even know about that Pharoahe Monch "Awakening" joint.

• If you live in Hiebradond, though, you need not feel dejected. Because Your Boy has gone through the trouble of sifting through a veritable shit-ton of mp3's to find the original, and - dare I say it - better version of "The Forest." (For you, dog.)

• From the "Best Interbutt Shit Evar" File: Garfield Randomizer.

• And finally, a perfect illustration of my current mood. This is me grinding on school crap till the Challenging Challenge.

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• The above photo is one still frame (Photoshopped a little, yeah) from what was once like the Rolling Stones Holy Grail before the dawn of the internet age.

• As a registered FancyNerd, I am obsessed both by documentaries and typefaces. As such, it is my duty, in some way, to want terribly to see this movie.

• Did you guys know that international weirdo Momus has a column over on the Wired website? Yeah, me neither. But he does.

• Lately old Higginbotham has, from what I understand, been spilling diet sodas on herself and poking out her eyeballs. She sent me some links the other day for me to look at. I have to tell you. I don't know what it is. The websites in question appear to be written in English, and yet I find them impossible to decipher.

• The Rai Chile has an excellent new plan. This is me encouraging the shit out of it. ("Yes!" "Go for it!" "What, really, have you got to lose on this one?" I have said all of these things.) I see your doubts. I can feel them from here. But that shit was a mockumentary, yo! (This is going to be great.)

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• Biggie died ten years ago today, and he's still the illest. XXL put up this unreleased Pepsi commercial he did. It's pretty cool. But I think you ought to spend the whole day listening to Life After Death.

• The White Stripes are going to have a new record out "as soon as corporately possible." This is me not being able to wait.

• Here's something I know about the Rai Chile: he is far from being a sneakerhead. (Which is good. Who's a sneakerhead anymore, anyway?) I know this. But I don't care. He NEEDS these shits like Thee Famous Person needs this shit!

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Meaning You Don't Pay No Rent

• Although, if everything goes according to plan, this shit will only effect my life for like a month. What's that? Oh, yeah. There's totally a plan. Kind of.

• Shamanzo has accused your boy, in the past, of only liking things anymore involving female lead singers. In response to this, I offer the following: a new M.I.A. video, a longish Amy Winehouse profile (don't sleep!), and some exciting news regarding Cocorosie.

• Bacon aside, Rainuts came up for a visit this weekend.

• Um. Yes.

• Did you hear that? That was Jush's sharp intake of air, followed by a long exhalation. I think that he may have been saying "Finally." (NSFW)

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How Much Tha Mobb Sold, Curtis?

• You've heard this, I imagine. (I subjected Ruth to the whole thing on the car ride home the other day, ha ha.) But whatever.

• I don't have a whole lot for you on this post, besides the above hilarious picture of one Gigglestick Magillicutty. I was back home all weekend, watching high-dollar commercials and eating a metric ton of snack food.

• The boy Jush got himself a Radocaster. Mind-blowing face-melters are soon to emerge from Camdonia.

• Something for to look at: the "on-onedness" of Luca Tieri.

• It used to be just an every-once-in-a-while-I-could-go-for-one thing, but now, according to my policy of co-signing everything Hov related, for good (really good), ill (bad meaning bad), or just okay, the staff here at CFY,K is now drinking Cherry Coke instead of Cristal.

• Venture Bros season 2 doesn't come out till damn April. Here's some DVD artwork to get your mouth a-waterin'.

• Hey, The Hard Goodbye's playing at Good Hurt tonight. They will kill. If you're in the LA area, go there. Make friends with the hot ass bartender ladies. Know that I wish I was there.

• Get money, Shamanz.

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Can't Call It

• Apparently, I don't know anything about anything. Jush won the 2007 RWRR Brett Sucks Challenge. The Corndogs became The Cowboys. And then they imploded. And then they disintegrated. And then, just to add insult to injury, For Better or For Worse simply will not die. (Memo to Watterson: You have proved your point. I want it back.)

• But all is not lost here in Sarchicha. For one thing, the notorious Gigglestick Magillicutty is back with a vengeance kind of. At the very least, he's tearing Grupthink the fuck up.

• Also: What Daytrotter does is so good that I want to do everything they do and not even feel bad about it.

• The Good, The Bad and The Queen is so good you may - may - be able to expect a review of it soon. But we here at CFY,K are still waiting for all the reviews of that Anvil Rabbitt EP to come in. (Oh yeah. That's totally still happening.)

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